It’s okay not to be okay

At the beginning of the year, I wrote a post about contentment and how the holidays turned out to be different than our usual tradition. Little did I know of the many changes to come. Here we are eleven months mater, a pandemic survival with no plans of preparing that Nigerian jollof rice, fried chicken, and exchanging gifts. For someone who is big on celebrating Christmas; I say it’s 2020, anything goes! I say this not as an excuse to be unintentional with the things I hold dear to my heart. Like recreating Christmas memories each year and feeling fulfilled seeing those satisfied faces at the end of the day. But, as a reminder to be okay with not having control over life.

The plan was to end the year with a gratitude post. I even made a video on why I think we should celebrate this season. See, it was planned and as much as I’ve had time to pause, reflect and make a list of all that I am grateful for; I’m not feeling okay (right now) to write a gratitude post. And that’s okay. If there’s anything I’ve learned this year, is that part of living an intentional life is carefully listening and surrendering to events that show up in my life. That also includes allowing myself to sit with the emotions as they come, until they pass.

So, I’m in bed, repeating this reminder to my ears until my heart receives it and becomes okay with it. It occurred to me to share for anyone who might be feeling overwhelmed with the way things are going this period.

Here’s why I think it’s okay for things not be okay…

It’s okay not to have those wrapped-up boxes under your Christmas tree. And if you didn’t put up one this year, it’s fine. Your presence is a gift.

It’s okay if you’re too tired to prepare a four course meal or have empty seats at the table this time. Hold the ones you have close. If you’re all by yourself, have a one-man-feast. Try to be merry.

If you don’t feel the need to celebrate because you don’t feel okay, it’s fine. I pray the sun shines on your face and the hope this season brings fill your heart.

If all you’re feeling is disappointment because of unfulfilled desires; that too is okay. Let the emotions come. Let it flow. Let it go.

For those still expecting, waiting for that sign, that miracle to show up. Give it time. Find little ways to bring warmth to someone’s heart.

What a year it has been! You are still here, see it as another chance given. Hope for better days ahead and remember— it gets better with each sunrise. Wishing you a bright & joy-filled holidays!

Happyblacky, xx