Deciding on writing this post, I first thought why would I deviate from my usual norm; it was almost as if I suddenly developed claws that wouldn’t allow me to write and express all the reality there is to this post. But then, I remembered How and Why I started, of which one of the basis that this platform is built on- is obviously Love. This weekend I celebrated my One Year Marriage anniversary! This brought thoughts of what I’ve learned and I’m still learning from Love and Marriage. While I’m no expert whatsoever in defining what marriage is or should be; I am sharing this post based on my personal experience, and here is what I now realise:
FINDING SELF: the saying that one cannot give what he/she doesn’t have, is indeed no fallacy. Marriage is not a refuge where one runs to escape himself, or hide beneath the wings of a partner’s love. While I see it as an institution for personal growth and transition because both partners are evolving; you cannot expect to be seen only through the eyes of your partner. Because you end up living in a shadow of another person, navigating towards only where he/she is going; and you might end up being lost. The question I like to ask myself when I’m feeling lost, too dependant, searching (which happens a lot) or expecting too much from my partner; forgetting that some things too are expected of me is –“Who am I outside my marriage? Because truly the margin of sanity and insanity is in knowing who you are –whether married or unmarried.
COMMUNICATION IS A LIFELINE: this is absolutely no cliché. It is key, key, key full stop. I have learned that this thing called ‘assumption’ or creating distance does not always do good, and imagining that your partner knows what you’re feeling even without saying it, is simply egoistic. There is a reason we have ears, mouths and mind- to listen, absorb and speak (Even though most times I function backwards)….lol. While I am still trying to decipher how a simple conversation, without tension can save a marriage, I can confidently say that it works. Communication is saying; look I am angry, disappointed, I don’t really like you, or want to talk to you at the moment, but because I respect you, I would listen and hear you out, hoping you could do the same to, Can we try?
THERE IS NO MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE: In the world we live in today, or better still narrowing it down to society; Love can be easily sieved out of Marriage, because to many; Love is a feeling or an emotion, while Marriage automatically becomes a status, or rather an achievement. Which is where many get it wrong. I’ve heard the phrase many times “Love is not enough, or “marry who can live with but not who you cannot live without,” how convenient? The point isn’t to argue if that phrase is true, but I can genuinely say that there has to be more than the feeling of “I love you” to make a marriage work. Also, already taking a position to be at a receiving end rather than giving, is not only selfish but undeserving of Love itself. Marriage is a constant and continuous effort to keep the Love alive. It is the meeting of two different souls at a common place regardless of their differences. It is a place of forgiveness, romance, care, responsibilities, selflessness andsupport, and sometimes a willingness to unlearn what you know to learn new perspectives.
In retrospect to my past, I realised how slowly I have gradually evolved from the so called pessimistic and melancholic young girl who didn’t believe in either Love or Marriage, into a grown Woman who not only strongly believes and stands for Love, but strives to become it wholly. Love within marriage has led me to a path of my purpose and passion, and I can confidently be myself while chasing my dreams. I can now also say- drown me in Love, because I am unashamed to stand for what has saved me.
May Love come first in our hearts in all we do, and may it eventually be ALL. Thank you for stopping by, sending Love and Light your way.